Its really easy to be a good person when life is good. Its easy to give when you have money. Its easy to laugh when you are feeling happy. Its easy to support someone when you've got support yourself.
But what counts is not what happens when life is easy. Its what happens when life is hard. When things don't make sense.
Sometimes life throws curveballs and we don't know what to do. When we start responding my instinct or not thinking before acting or speaking. We got back to a different time. A simple time. A real time. Often, our real self shows. Who are we when under pressure? Who are we when we're at a loss? What is our true motivation? Who is our true self?
As a Christian, I often feel that people judge me harder than they might others. They look to my opinion on different things to give the Christian perspective and response. They look at how I behave to see whether or not I am being authentic and real or whether my words are simply empty and hypocritical.
Like anyone else, Christians vary enormously and that's even before you get into differing traditions, interpretations of scripture and lifestyles. We're treated like a homogenous group of people but really that's like saying all engineers like chips or all doctors drink red wine. There is a lot of difference.
But unfortunately, if one group is seen to act in a certain way, there is always the risk that anyone else with that same label is going to be judged as thinking and acting the same way regardless of whether they are or not.
At the moment I am seeing first hand what happens when my interpretation of the gospel, of being a Christian, the nature and way of Christ, is so incredibly different to what is being experienced by others. You see, I see God as a merciful, loving, compassionate, caring, grace filled, forgiving God who brings wholeness. A God who desperately seeks relationship. A God whose Son died on the cross so that we could be restored. Its a truth that I know in my gut. This is MY God. THis is the God that I seek to emulate in my daily life. I wouldn't say I do a great job at it all the time, but I'm trying. I hope that sometimes I manage it. I hope that people see my actions motivated by love, grace and forgiveness. I do this because God first loved me, gave me grace and forgave me.
Then I see a group of people who apparently believe the same things as me, acting the complete opposite. The opposite of love is indifference (Martin Luther King Jnr I believe). The opposite of forgiveness is unforgiveness. The opposite of whole is broken. The opposite of caring is... well, not doing anything. Its a messy, broken, unforgiving, indifferent response to a tragic and sad situation and it is breaking my heart.
It makes me angry because the hurt that this is causing is huge. Monumental. Its not going to go away easily. It makes me sad because its impacting on people I care about. It makes me even angrier when I see that this is how my God is portrayed by others.
The Christian life, our journey with God, our walk with Jesus, whatever we want to call it, calls us to become like Jesus Christ. My reading of the gospel tells me that Jesus reached out to those in need. That Jesus was moved to tears by suffering and pain. A Jesus who welcomed children. A Jesus who revealed himself first to the women visiting the tomb. A Jesus who who both challenged his disciples to leave everything and follow but gave them everything they needed and who loved them even in their weakness... Peter denied Jesus three times yet was described as the foundation on which the church would be built. Jesus isn't looking for perfection, but he is looking for willingness to set down our own agendas, our own self and all our crap, and to follow him.
If we don't let go of our own self... well, stuff happens.
To those out there who are affected by this... I don't think what you are seeing is reflecting Christ in any shape or form and I am sorry. Because this is not how it should be.
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