I admit I didn’t know much about parenting when I had Daniel. And all I knew was what I had been raised with (and lets face it, I don’t remember a lot of it although its probably in there somewhere). And I approached parenting the way I have approached everything else in my life… by reading a book! In this case I firstly read Babywise, having been told by well meaning Christian friends that it was very good. Having read it with no experience of having children I thought it was great, I would be raising children on a schedule and they will know who’s in charge…
The reality of parenting is quite different. Two weeks into mummy-hood I was sitting there on the couch crying because my son would not fit into the schedule written in the book. He cried in his cot, he never woke up at the same time. He would be hungry before the magic three hour mark… I read a few other books that were more gentle (and respectful) in their approach and realised that I had to get to know my baby. So I did. I fed him when he wanted to be fed (did a dream feed cos that helped me), I cuddled him and rocked him in his cot if he didn’t settle. I stopped freaking out if he fell asleep at my breast. My husband suggested I throw away the book cos it wasn’t being a mummy that was causing the problem… it was the book!
I discovered that some parenting philosophies don’t work for me. And that the gift of parenting is that we have been given an instinct and need to trust it. Even now, when my son cries we go to him because we know that he is crying for a reason… is he teething, hot, cold or just awake. More often than not he doesn’t even need me but I can give him a back rub and he rolls over, cuddles into his dog and settles. And luckily for Caitlin she can reap the benefit from my experience too. They always say the first child is the practice one lol. I won't leave Caitlin to 'cry-it-out'. When she is crying she is telling me something, and at the moment, with no grown up person language skills, its the best she's got so I should really listen.
A lot of the parenting advice kind of pits the parents against their children. Like we are in some sort of struggle. And to tell the truth some things are a struggle as you try and guide your little person through life and teach them the ways of the world. But children are not here to be controlled or managed, but grown and loved. I would like to have control some days, to have things happen as I want them to but I am kidding myself that it will work. What I can do is hope that the way we are raising our children will give them the necessary skills to live in the world and as they move further away from us that they know that they are always loved.
I've since read books called “The No Cry Sleep Solution” and “Grace based Parenting”. The great thing about living in todays world is that there IS a book for everything!
