I've been tired lately. There is a reason and its not really anything I've done per se although we could call it an inevitable consequence of a choice made. More on that later.
Anyway, the other day I was tired. And I must have looked tired as I ran into a friend and she said a day or two later that she was wondering if I was okay (must have looked a train wreck actually). And she called and offered dinner. I thanked her and said yes.
Its funny how hard it can be to say yes to offers of help. You say things like "Oh no, we're fine" or "Don't worry, its not a problem" or "You don't have to do that". Generationally developed independence seems to have made us reluctant to admit that things are difficult or hard. We keep ourselves closed off, loath to admit that maybe things are difficult, challenging or just downright crappy. My grandparents are often heard to say things like "oh I didn't want to worry you" or "I don't want to be any trouble". We try to shut people out of our lives, or rather, the fullness of our lives. We show our best face to the outside world and try to hide the part that is less shiny and clear.
I sometimes wonder why we don't share the hard parts. Do we not want to worry people with our 'trivia' even if it is very real for us? Should we not let people worry and care for us? Should we not deny the privilege of people experiencing real concern for us. Isn't it the sacrifice of love, the worry and concern about others? As we make ourselves vulnerable we are open to the potential for worry or hurt. Isn't that what we are called to do?
We are called to love and we are called to live in community. We are called to love one another. Love is a verb, it is action. It is meals, phone calls, texts, help, visiting, prayer. It is encouragment and nurturing. And I blessed to have people in my life who do this for me on a regular basis. So my friend Sarah dropped around a meal, just because she thought I could do with a wee break around dinner time. A while ago I'd had a rough week, not a lot of sleep and felt quite stressed out. I visited some friends who know me far too well and they were immediately concerned about my wellbeing. They fed me. Gave me something to drink. Let me sit and talk as we watched our children dismantle their house and toys. They showed such love and care that I almost cried with gratitude. They hugged me as we left and called the next day to say that they loved me and were concerned for me. In that time I felt so nurtured and cared for. And I know that my friends have their own struggles and in one way I wouldn't have wanted to burden them with my own petty concerns, but I am glad that I did because it helped.
The funny thing is that none of these people would label themselves as Christian yet they show such depth of love that its hard to believe otherwise. They show selflessness. They show a practical, real, tangible love. God works through them in my life so often that they are one of the many blessings that I count on a regular basis.
I think as you have more children and as life gets full on and busy, its easier to let go of pride and pretense and be real. I admit that I am not the worlds best housekeeper. I am frequently behind in household tasks and sometimes we dress ourselves from the clean washing pile (incidently I heard of one Mum who used to put all the clean clothes in a huge chest and her kids would just rummage through it daily to find something to wear - I call that genius). Sometimes I give in and let my daughter wear slippers out just because I don't feel like the drama of yet another confrontation. When my littlest girl gets covered in paint and play dough at playgroup, I don't usually bother changing her clothes when we get home, because they'll just get dirty again. Sometimes I even go out in track pants that my sister assures me SHOULD NOT be worn outside of the house. And on those days I don't mind. I am learning how to be real. I am learning to be able to look at the whole picture and see a family who love each other, who have lovely homemade food to eat, a fire to keep us warm and snuggly beds to sleep in. A family who have a number of funny jokes that are part of our daily life. A family who are surrounded by people who deeply care about us and show us in a myriad of different ways how much they love us.
We are blessed. We are real. We experience the kindness of friends. We experience the love of God. Life doesn't get any better really, even if its difficult.
