One thing I have found as a parent is that the questions never stop. Not only is my life full of near-constant requests for food, drink, entertainment, assistance with clothing, toileting and to stop the littlest person pushing the button on the DVD player but there are also the deep and meaningful ones. I admit that I was initially prepared for the constant Why questions and they haven't eventuated but other ones have.
D has had a bit of a thing about fire for a while. Not that he is a pyromaniac thankfully but he's very into fire fighters. He was part of some sort of safety talk at preschool about fire safety. That week he was absolutely paranoid about something spontaneously combusting. From then on in we had questions about whether ANYTHING would cause a fire. Water and paper. Paper and crayon. Wood and water. Concrete and food. If he touched something (you name it, a rock, dirt, a piece of paper, his plate). My attempts to get him to think about it himself were in vain, he needed the reassurance that we were not going to burn down any second.
Then there was the time he must have thought he had super powers or something...
"Mummy, did I break the guitar when I touched the case?"
"Did you knock it over?"
"No"
"Then it will be fine"
"Are you sure I didn't?"
"Yes sweetie, if you didn't knock it over then you wouldn't have broken it"
"But I think I did"
"Trust me, you didn't"
"But how do you know?"
"Because to break something you actually have to touch it and push it over and you didn't"
"Really?"
"Really".
And you should have heard the conversations at the dinner table when I was pregnant with A. Is the baby wearing clothes? Nappies? How does it get food? How will it come out? Can I watch?
C is also going through a questioning phase at the moment. Recently we had a family member die so we had LOTS of questions about death. When was I going to die? When was she going to die? When will Nana and Granddad die? What happens when we die? a question which D answered with all his five year old authority that we go to be with God but we don't come alive after three days because only Jesus did that. Truthfully I was relieved that he answered, not that I didn't know what to say but that I am now confident that D had realised that not everyone resurrects after three days which was a problem after the Easter story got a bit confusing a while back.
Today though I had a beautiful one.
"Mummy do you love me?"
"Yes I do, I love you very much?"
"Why?"
"Because you belong to us. I have loved you from the moment you were born".
Then she gave me her special 'Mummy and C smile'. She put her face towards me and closed her eyes and gave me the tiniest butterfly kiss. C is very sensitive to scent. And often when she cuddles in she will inhale my scent, like I would do when she was a baby and I'd smell her gorgeous milky newborn smell. When she kisses me like that, it is like she is inhaling my essence. And we had a proper cuddle, her soft cheek pressed against mine and for a moment it was just us.
It is those little moments that can carry me through the more challenging days.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Value me. Value her
Recently the government proposed changes to the existing welfare system which including strategies to reduce the number of people on benefits, including the DPB, the unemployment benefit and the sickness benefit.
If you cared to read the working report that these changed are based, and I have read most of it, you'd actually see that they didn't actually go to the very extreme options that were proposed. Part of me hopes that maybe those with the power realised that the extreme was just that, too extreme. The cynical part of me wonders whether they knew that by avoiding the extreme those with power start looking good… "look everyone it could be so much worse".
The thing I am finding sad right now is that suddenly women on benefits don't have a choice any more. The rules are going to be that once your child gets to about two or three then you're going to have to find work. Never mind that finding part time work is pretty hard. Never mind that you'd probably still have to find a bit extra to top up the daycare or preschool or creche hours. Never mind that you'd not actually earn enough to get off the benefit but you'd get your benefit reduced because you'd be earning to much to have it at its original level and you'd probably still need a top up from somewhere.
And never mind that you might want to stay at home with your children.
It is sad to me that there is a group of women who are trying to raise their kids in a pretty difficult situation and its going to get a lot harder. For some reason this mother is not considered as valuable as I am.
I don't earn any money at the moment. I haven't earned money in over 5 years. Not a cent. Not even anything under the table. In fact, we get extra money because I don't earn money. We get a welcome fortnightly payment because our income is low enough to warrant a bit of a break. Its a tax break they tell me.. its still money that the government can't use for something else though.
I want to stay at home with my kids and be there for them because I believe that its best for them. I want to know the minutiae of their day. I want to see their learning. I want to be there. I am pretty sure that a lot of solo Mum's would want the same. If anything they might want it more because they're all their kids have got day in and day out. The father/partner/boyfriend has gone and they're the ones holding it all together. But because they are receiving money from the government to help them do their parenting job they are seen as a drain on resources. Their job as a parent isn't valued.
So it makes me wonder. Does the government value parenting? I mean really. Do they see the benefits of children having contact with their parents for most of their day. Even 20 hours of free early childhood education leaves 148 hours a week in the direct care of a parent. Mostly a mother even in this day and age.
You see, I don't think we are valued. Parents that is. I think that because someone is not economically contributing then they are dismissed as useless. So as well as stay at home parents this would include the elderly, the disabled, the young. If we are not earning money somehow we are a drain. So the government focuses on a scapegoat, in this case the solo Mum, and says that she needs to work. Never mind that she is already doing a 24/7 week and that the other proposed changes to childcare regulations might make care provided for children downright risky (more on that later, believe me, the rant is coming). They can't touch the elderly, their vote counts too much. They can't touch the disabled, there would be an outcry. So they focus on one of more disadvantaged groups in society, perpetuate the myth of the dole bludging, constantly pregnant teenaged Mum who is on a benefit because of a lifestyle choice, and take away the choice of a whole group of women who already bear enough of a daily burden.
I'd like to see what I do be valued. I'd like to see what I do as being recognised as actually contributing to society even if I am not putting money in anyones bank account. I'd like to see the women who are raising their kids alone valued as people who are important in our community. They are trying to do the work of two people while having very little and it must be so hard. I am exhausted after a full day of caring for my lot and I have a husband who picks up more than just the slack and comes home every evening ready to do his part.
Value me. Value her. Value us. We're caring for our future.
If you cared to read the working report that these changed are based, and I have read most of it, you'd actually see that they didn't actually go to the very extreme options that were proposed. Part of me hopes that maybe those with the power realised that the extreme was just that, too extreme. The cynical part of me wonders whether they knew that by avoiding the extreme those with power start looking good… "look everyone it could be so much worse".
The thing I am finding sad right now is that suddenly women on benefits don't have a choice any more. The rules are going to be that once your child gets to about two or three then you're going to have to find work. Never mind that finding part time work is pretty hard. Never mind that you'd probably still have to find a bit extra to top up the daycare or preschool or creche hours. Never mind that you'd not actually earn enough to get off the benefit but you'd get your benefit reduced because you'd be earning to much to have it at its original level and you'd probably still need a top up from somewhere.
And never mind that you might want to stay at home with your children.
It is sad to me that there is a group of women who are trying to raise their kids in a pretty difficult situation and its going to get a lot harder. For some reason this mother is not considered as valuable as I am.
I don't earn any money at the moment. I haven't earned money in over 5 years. Not a cent. Not even anything under the table. In fact, we get extra money because I don't earn money. We get a welcome fortnightly payment because our income is low enough to warrant a bit of a break. Its a tax break they tell me.. its still money that the government can't use for something else though.
I want to stay at home with my kids and be there for them because I believe that its best for them. I want to know the minutiae of their day. I want to see their learning. I want to be there. I am pretty sure that a lot of solo Mum's would want the same. If anything they might want it more because they're all their kids have got day in and day out. The father/partner/boyfriend has gone and they're the ones holding it all together. But because they are receiving money from the government to help them do their parenting job they are seen as a drain on resources. Their job as a parent isn't valued.
So it makes me wonder. Does the government value parenting? I mean really. Do they see the benefits of children having contact with their parents for most of their day. Even 20 hours of free early childhood education leaves 148 hours a week in the direct care of a parent. Mostly a mother even in this day and age.
You see, I don't think we are valued. Parents that is. I think that because someone is not economically contributing then they are dismissed as useless. So as well as stay at home parents this would include the elderly, the disabled, the young. If we are not earning money somehow we are a drain. So the government focuses on a scapegoat, in this case the solo Mum, and says that she needs to work. Never mind that she is already doing a 24/7 week and that the other proposed changes to childcare regulations might make care provided for children downright risky (more on that later, believe me, the rant is coming). They can't touch the elderly, their vote counts too much. They can't touch the disabled, there would be an outcry. So they focus on one of more disadvantaged groups in society, perpetuate the myth of the dole bludging, constantly pregnant teenaged Mum who is on a benefit because of a lifestyle choice, and take away the choice of a whole group of women who already bear enough of a daily burden.
I'd like to see what I do be valued. I'd like to see what I do as being recognised as actually contributing to society even if I am not putting money in anyones bank account. I'd like to see the women who are raising their kids alone valued as people who are important in our community. They are trying to do the work of two people while having very little and it must be so hard. I am exhausted after a full day of caring for my lot and I have a husband who picks up more than just the slack and comes home every evening ready to do his part.
Value me. Value her. Value us. We're caring for our future.
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