Hosanna (or the Village)

I am not entirely sure why this is titled Hosanna (or the Village). It just seems right. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. It is the day we remember Jesus entry into Jerusalem, where for one brief moment he was greeted and acknowledged as the King that he is. Of course within a week he was being tortured and killed, and considering he knew what was coming as he rode the streets on a donkey, you must wonder what was going through his heart.

The definition of Hosanna is something like a cry for salvation, of praise maybe?

I'd like to think that I would have been one of those who continued to praise and exalt him even after he was arrested, tried and crucified. I am not sure I would have though. Would I have recognised this humble, ordinary man for who he really was? Would I have been influenced and swayed by the religious authority. I can't say I have a love for religious institutions in general (yes I know I am married into one essentially but that's entirely different, truly), I can't say I am always influenced by the crowd but I am probably influenced considerably more than I would like. For example, I might reject a corporate view of the world and the corporate values but I might look so objectively or negatively at things that fit my worldview better. Its kind of trendy being a bit greenish. Eco-whatever is pretty big, greenwashing is in so you could argue that I am not going against the flow at all.

Tomorrow will also be "I's" dedication. We've chosen to dedicate our children rather than baptise them. Daniel's was a separate service, done so we could invite friends and family who were living further away at the time but the other three are done as part of our normal service, as part of our church community. We think it is so important that our children have a strong sense of belonging in church. We think its important because its such a big part of who hubby and I are. Church is not just a Sunday activity for us, its a vocation and a lifestyle. We want our children to belong and to feel welcomed. So in a way, baptism would make more sense as it is the tangible welcome of someone into a community. Baptism, among other things, is a sign of belonging.

But for us we want our children to make their own decision about when they want to profess their own faith. We will do our utmost to guide them in that decision but ultimately, we can't dictate what they believe. But creating a feeling of belonging and community will help their faith development. And it helps me. A friend and I were talking about the village the other day... both of us have toddlers and a baby and we were discussing the reassuring nature of our "village" community at church. Our children come to no harm there. We can say to someone, can you watch X for me while I do Y and they do. We hand over babies, toddlers, children, we play swap the baby so often other people get confused about whose baby is whose. This village atmosphere allows our family to be a part of the community in a real way. I sing in our band and I couldn't do it if I couldn't pass on my children to be cared for by someone else for a short time. I can't expect hubby to preside over communion while wrangling a few children and I think our community like that we can be involved even if it does involve a few handovers.

Also, we dedicate our children because we believe in an infinitely grace-filled and merciful God. Baptism of children came about because at some point people believed that only the baptised went to heaven. I don't believe that myself. No one can tell me that God would not receive my precious baby into his arms should it be that he cannot live here on earth any more. I am not sure I fully get what baptism might mean except that it is about a person standing up and professing their faith and belief and committing themselves to life in community with us. Our kids will do that at some point and we prayfully await that time.

Tomorrow, we play this Brooke Fraser song at church. I think we've had it for both the girls dedications as well in fact. There is one phrase that I feel really speaks prophetically to my children...

"I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from earth to
Eternity


My children will be rising up and standing in their faith. I believe that. Their hearts will be broken with what breaks God's heart. I believe that too. May God be with them always and may they always know the love and acceptance of their "Village".

Hosanna in the Highest.

And then there were four...

I have so many intentions to write in this blog and suddenly its 9 months later... and 9 months is a long time really.. long enough to make a baby which is exactly what I have been doing.

Our precious boy "I" arrived in a hurry in February. Dark hair, blue eyes and very beautiful. As you can imagine life has been on the crazy side of chaotic over recent weeks so there has been even less time for anything. Except now I have a smart phone I can read the online papers, cruise the internet and post on Facebook while baby is plugged in and I am on the couch. Funny how life comes a full circle, when D was born we gave up our newspaper subscription because we just never got a chance to read the paper. And now I can thanks to a nifty app. 6.5 years ago there was no such thing as an "app".

Its never helpful to compare people or things but its funny how some things are scarily similar. Having a baby is like that. Not the births, they've all been totally unique but the aftermath. The dry as a desert mouth as baby starts to breastfeed. When I am so tired at night that I can barely sit upright anymore. The hormonal tears that erupt at the littlest things. The saggy belly, stretch marks and extra kilos. The delight at the first smile. The laughter at the poo explosions. The adorably cute clothes. All the same.

Yet having yet another child is different too. Its easier in some ways. I don't worry the same about what is happening... what to do and when. If something doesn't work, I try something else. If that doesn't work I try something else again. If that doesn't work I talk to my friends and sister and then remember something or try something new and even in all that I am not stressed at all, just going with the flow.

Baby is 6 weeks old and I remember being told that after 6 weeks everything settles down. And in some ways it has. I am making lunches, nagging the kids, making dinner, folding washing while watching television and trying to keep up with everything else with varying degrees of success. In some ways having a small baby is useful because I have a genuine reason to sit on the couch every 2-3 hours :). I have a even better reason to sneak in naps on the weekend. Sure it can be a little limiting in terms of activity and "me alone" time but I can survive that. I do miss it, the chance to pop out for a bit to recharge my batteries without my darling, but time consuming and busy, children. But that's not a reality at the moment and if spend too much time thinking along those lines then I think I'd probably get pretty unhappy with this part of my life journey and the thing is that I am not. Unhappy that is. Yes, its ALL day and night EVERY day and night. Yes most of it is up to me. But its not for forever. He won't be this darling, squidgy, snuggly, snuffly, wiggly, dimply newborn forever. At some point he'll stop smelling like that gorgeous milky newborn baby smell. He'll start moving around, eventually he'll be running and climbing and jumping. He's started smiling and cooing but before I know it it'll be making louder noises, sounds, words, sentences and then tell stories and answering back like the others. And this time will be a distant memory but not one I'm going to be happy to leave. We've decided that this is our last child, that our family is complete so its all the more reason to cherish these moments and these times now because I won't be having them again.

Funnily enough though, when I had the other three children, when I started thinking like this I started to get sad at the idea of them getting bigger and wanting to do it all over again. This time I don't. Its like I am happy living in this moment and knowing that this is it, there will be no other moment but its not something to be grieved over but something to be enjoyed and cherished.

So I think I am done. Tellingly I think the first thing I said to DH after baby was born was "I'm done". I am done. I don't want to be pregnant again. I don't want to birth again. I will hold the memories of those things with all four children close and with joy but now I am ready to move on. And for a reality check, my body is done too. It can't take much more of a hammering so the doctors say and truthfully, I agree with them. Its time to move on.