Given that I have four young children, its easy for the house to go from sane to chaotic in a nanosecond. And it was getting me down in more ways than one. It would be nice to blame the kids for the whole thing but really, its not their fault. They are kids. They are messy. This is what it is. But how I deal with it can change. Ultimately none of us are responsible for other peoples behaviour, we can only be responsible for ourselves. So that's the perspective that I'm taking into this whole process.
I am awesome at finding excuses to not do housework. So I had to really look hard at myself at why I was not doing housework. It wasn't just that the kids would mess it up again, although that might have determined when I did something. Sometimes I would think that I am too tired to tidy up. Especially dishes, I've never liked doing dishes. But you know, I am always tired. Tiredness doesn't go away for me. I've been doing the night shift for years now, no sooner does once child sleep through than another one comes along. Tiredness is not actually an excuse for me because it is just who I am.
Distraction and procrastination are other ways I can avoid doing the housework. Get on the computer, do some stuff around that for a while and suddenly its 8:30 and "too late" to do the housework or dishes. Its super easy to find something to do that isn't housework. Of course its not always 'work' either, and that's when it becomes a distraction or an activity I use to procrastinate.
Before I go on, I will inject some realism. My house will not look like something out of home and garden no matter how I try and that is not my intent. I want my house functional and liveable and finally, kids are kids and they make mess so my house will never look perfect all the time. It doesn't need to.
No, my goal has been over the last few months to make some changes to both our house and myself to help things move from being overly chaotic to vaguely sane.
When I looked honestly at the whole thing, there were several things that made it clear that I've had to change. Firstly, sometimes the mess was embarrassing. Now maybe people didn't judge me for the mess but I found it stressful if people were coming over and I was having to do a tidy up and it was hard to tell that I'd done anything much. The other main reason is that it was stressing me out. I hate not being able to find the kids clothes without searching through the washing pile and the rush that ensues when they can't find things themselves. I hate having to wash the dishes before I can use them to cook again. ANd finally, if I wanted things to be more sane, then I needed to be the one organising it and then I could get the family on board. I am the gatekeeper of routine and organisation.
And because the mess was impacting on me and my family, it has led to a desire for change.
So that's a meandering summary of what's been going on for me. In the next little while I'm going to talk about changing routines and habits, altering environments and the surprising discoveries I've made along the way. I've found since reflecting on all this, that my occupational therapy roots are showing. I think this is no bad thing because it honestly reflects the process of change that I am going to while providing a theoretical basis for it, should anyone need it haha. And I should add a caveat - I still have days where I might not do everything. I am a work in progress still but I am trying. And for those who don't struggle with mess, some of this might seem really really nonsensical and odd... and that's a sure sign that its not an issue for you. If you relate to what I am writing then you will 'get' where I am coming from. If at some point you find a difference between where you are and where you want to be... and that is a sure sign that you are ready to start the process of change.
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